


101 ways to freedom

by adaTheKiller394



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:55:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24222400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adaTheKiller394/pseuds/adaTheKiller394
Summary: Josie desperately needed a hand that would dig her from burning sorrows of her life. She needed somebody who will cure her soul wounds and give her a life purpose. But sometimes the only one asset you have is...yourself. And one day Josie received help she needed and even more...
Relationships: Hope Mikaelson/Josie Saltzman, Landon Kirby & Josie Saltzman, Landon Kirby/Hope Mikaelson
Comments: 9
Kudos: 84





	1. Intro

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to apologize for all mistakes. I am not native english speaker.

Everything felt different..And I..I wanted to disappear. I just wanted to be alone. Just for some time. Just to process. To cry. To scream. To let everything go or I do not really know...But I have a feeling like everybody is watching me all the time. Everywhere I go there is always someone...Maybe I am going crazy..Maybe they are just watching me for real..My father, my sister…

What do they think I am going to do? Secretly restore my powers and...What? Kill them all? And maybe they are right. Who knows. Maybe somewhere deep inside I wanted to break that clock..To feel powerful. To feel confident. To feel independent. To feel free. Freedom - big word. And that magic was one of the closest ways to get it. And to have a chance...To forget about the fact that my life deadline is closer and closer and closer…. Yes, the merge. I live with an axe over my neck. You can pretend that everything is okay. You can smile. You can have fun. But you never forget. Never. You go to bed and wake up with that..fact. And you live one more day...Walking dead. This is a torture. For what exactly? Why me? Why….My soul screamed...I wanted to scream...But I cannot. I don't want everyone to see me cry. See me snapped. I need this. I need this now. I want to run. Far away. I cannot hide. I feel like my destiny just laughs at me. 

Fuck...The tears. I need to hide. Where, yeah, ladies room. And cry. I wanted to get drunk. To smoke. Like never before in my life. But I do not smoke and I am not really into alcohol and this really sucks. Other people said that it helps. Helps to forget..for some time. 

Everything is different. They told me that everything is okay, that they love me and happy that I am back..That my Dark part is gone. But they are lying..I saw it in their eyes. Like they want me to fall on my knees and ask for forgiveness. And I did. I asked. I beg my sister to forgive me for what my Dark part did. I beg Hope. And it seems everything is okay but it doesn't. I see that fear in their eyes when they look at me...Maybe it is not fear but...Concern? Disgust? Disappointment? Maybe...Like they are waiting that I will explode with dark magic and destroy everything. 

I just wanted to save everyone. I just wanted to...To do the right thing.”The road to hell is paved with good intentions“, this is how they said it. Maybe...

“It is good that right now you are not using your powers. The world becomes a much safer place, Jo” - Lizzie laughs. And I do not know what to say. The guilt. It's killing me.  
“Oh, I am joking. Do not be so damn serious” - she said. But it was not the first time she said something like that. I feel that she believes in what she said. She just cannot say this directly to my face. And I understand…

This is too much. To much of everyone. I wanted my own space. I wanted my own room. My father said that this is not a good idea considering all…But I insisted. Lizzie was against it. Of Course she was. And he found a small. Really small room. I want my own bed. My own space. My own corner of this fucking life. 

I am not going after monsters any more. I am just a simple human now. Actually not knowing is blessing. I am out of all this “saving world fiesta”. I feel relieved. I am not participating in any discussions any more. When they started I was leaving. That's simple. 

No I need to stop this...I want this to shut up...How to even call this...I torture myself with this..Maybe I deserve this...Maybe I am.

I just want to find my way out from nowhere…

Oh. My classes. I am late.

Her eyes were red. Her skin was pale. She came closer to the sink. Washed her hands. She likes the feeling of cold water on her fingers. On her face. Yes, this is better now. I am fine. I will be fine.

Why, why do I hate myself so much? - With pain in her voice, Josie whispers looking into the mirror.

Then she heard somebody laugh. But she was sure that she was alone in the bathroom. 

“Oh, Josie I can name you 101 reasons why you should hate yourself”, said the familiar voice.

Josie turned to the source of the voice and then she was paralized from shock. It was her...Right in front of her. It was her...Her Dark part. Dark Josie.


	2. Overprotected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.

Josie couldn’t move. She just stared at Dark Josie but in a few seconds her Dark Part suddenly disappeared.

Josie started quickly walking towards the door. 

“What was that...she is back..she is back..I need to tell somebody..I need to tell my father...”.

Just before Josie tried to open the door Dark Josie appeared one more time right in front of her and said with disgust undertone right into Josie's face:

“Oh, so quick on giving up..So quick running to her daddy..so dependent..so weak...Just like fucking fairytale princess. And that is the reason number one, Josie.”

Dark Josie disappeared.

Josie felt like her world collapsing under her feet. Her mind was blank and she ran through the corridors right to her room.

It took Josie a week to convince her father to give her a separate room. After all he agreed but with additional terms. 

Alaric found room for Josie. They haven't used it for ages and it was all in dust and spiders nets and there was a lot of garbage and unneeded furniture. There was one window that could barely light the room because it was small but also dirty. Josie spent two days cleaning the room. After Josie finally washed the window and the room became more or less lightened she finally realised that the walls had a beautiful blue colour. 

“Like Hope's eyes”, Josie thought.

Her father and Lizzie helped her to move in with some of her staff. 

It was not a lot of space there. It was enough only for bed in one corner. Small table with a chair and bookshelf on the wall over the table. Just enough for working on a laptop.

And a wardrobe. The smallest wardrobe Josie ever had. She left some of her cloth in her and Lizzie's room. 

“Maybe you should put some of your favourite posters on the walls”, Lizzie suggested. “Right now this is so..emh...dramatic”. But Josie doesn't want to. Because right now the room walls completely match her feelings. Those walls were just like her - empty. And she felt like the room understood her. She needed at least somebody to understand. 

“It is my own cupboard under the stairs”, Josie thought. It was enough for her. 

“At least for now.”

She loves Harry Potter. She didn’t have a lot of space for all of her books but among all books about magic and potions and plants, which would definitely be considered by her father as really important for witches like Josie, instead she took all parts of her favourite story to her room. She put all of the books on the book shelf over her table. And she placed other books on the floor next to her table.

The Harry Potter series have a special place in her heart so they should be in a good spot. 

When she opens them it immerse her and she forgets all about reality, about monsters, about Merge, about never ending pain and regrets. Josie feels like she completely understood how to live a life of Harry Potter. How to live and know that the Universe made you special. That you somehow connected to dark forces and you should fight them. Save everyone and the world and in the and of it all...die...probably. And Josie always asked herself that question:“Will she become the girl who lived? The girl who survived.”

“Now you tell me you have been raising him like a pig for slaughter”. 

Josie read that part a thousand times and every time she torture herself with her “how to proceed next in this life” thoughts, that line apper in her mind like mantra. Josie felt it. She would like to ask her father this same question. She understood that fact a long time ago - she was the pig.

It was almost midnight of her first night in her new room. Josie was really tired. She felt how her body relaxed and she started falling into a sweet dream world. Desired moment of a dream was interrupted by somebody knocking on the door. Josie barely opened her eyes and it took a big effort to leave a bed. “Who it might be at this time”, she wondered. She opened the door and she saw Hope wearing pajamas with a small box in her hands. 

“Oh, Hope, come in.” Josie said. Josie immediately woke up. She was happy and scared at the same time. Hope always gives her hard emotions.

“Are you okay? Something happened?”, Josie asked with worried undertones in her voice.

“Oh, no, Josie. I am fine.”, Hope replied. She made a small pause and then continued.

“I just want to congratulate you with now living in your own separate room and I also brought you something. Small gift. I hope you like it.”, Hope said with a small smile on her face.

Hope gave Josie a box. It was a small red color box with a golden ribbon on it. 

“Can I open it now?” Josie asked Hope. 

“As you wish, Jo. If you feel uncomfortable you can do it after I leave” Hope said, with the same small smile on her face. 

“No, no Hope. I want to open it with you here” and Josie gives Hope a smile. 

Josie opened the box. It was a dreamcatcher with beautiful fears in rainbow colors. 

“Oh, Hope, this is beautiful. Thank you..”, Josie whispers, looking into Hope's beautiful eyes. 

“I put some additional charms on it… I want it to protect you when you sleep. Your dreams from, your sleep from...anxiety and”, Hope starts blushing a bit, her checks become slightly pink and look so so beautiful in the weak light in Josie's room,”...from possible non-consensual kisses.', Hope whispered and honored Josie with a beautiful smile”.

Josie doesn't know what to reply and there was some moment of silence between them. Sweet moment of silence. 

“I should probably go. It is late and I have morning training tomorrow. See you in our classes, Josie. Good night, Josie...”. Hope looked tired.

“Good night...” that was everything that Josie could say. 

After Hope left Josie finally released her tears. She hugged the box, pushed it to her chest, to her heart because Hope’s touch was on it and Josie wanted it close. She put the box close to her face because Hope's scent may have left on it and she wanted to feel it. Gift box became wet from her tears. In some time she fell asleep, still holding in her hands a gift from Hope Mikaelson - the biggest desire of her heart.

She was standing on her knees in the same room crying. Unexpected meeting with Dark Self in the bathroom hit her hard with fear and confusion.

‘No, no, no...Please don’t...Not again, please, not again“, Josie screamed.

“I need to calm down. I just need to calm down.” Josie whispered. She was desperately trying to put back the control over the tornado of emotions in her chest.

“Okay, okay...my breath. I just need to breathe”, Josie whispered to herself. 

Josie closed her eyes and immediately regretted it. Now she was afraid to open them and to see..her. So she decided to do it slowly. Fighting through circling fear in her stomach she finally opened her eyes. She looked around. It was only her in the room. She felt a bit of relief. 

In some time she could finally stand up and sit on her bed. Thousands of thoughts run through her head. “I killed her. I am sure I did. And I do not have my powers any more. How is this even possible? Did we split? Can my Dak Part live separately from my? This is just...That was just. Impossible. ”. Josie’s mind tried to find a logical explanation of what happened.

“This is just stress. I need to end this”. She spent the past few days in a hurricane of thoughts and unpleasant emotions. Everything she was embarrassed about, every regret, every failure just consumed her completely. She was drowning. She couldn't sleep well and eat. Josie recalled that she read somewhere that hard self examination can lead to psychological problems of depression. 

“That was probably a hallucination because of all of it. I just need to sleep. I need to rest”.

Josie completely forgot about the time and her classes. She was startled by her phone ringtone. It was her father. Then she noticed the time. She missed all of her classes. She was there for almost 3 hours. 

“Shit!”

Josie answered the phone.

“Dad?”

“Where have you been? You skipped all your classes Josie. I want you in my office, now!”

Josie was on her way to her father's office and now her brain was occupied with different thoughts. As much as she doesn't like to think about it, the words of her Dark Part hit her directly in the most painful spot of her soul. Josie knew exactly what Dark Josie implied on.  
That she is weak. That she cannot handle any situation on her own. That she is the victim and waiting for somebody to save her. “...running to her daddy....dependent..”, she heard those words in her brain over and over again and it made her mad. 

It also makes her mad because she doesn't have her powers now. And she has no idea where they are…

It was a week after an epic fight between her and Dark Josie. Her father agreed to give her a separate room with two conditions.

“If you need anything or if something strange happened to you...if you feel her again...you must immediately tell me. And..I want you to give me the coin with your powers for safekeeping. This is my statement. ”, her father told her. 

“What...?”Josie sounds confused. She cannot believe that her father actually asked her to do that.

“This is my requirement. If you keep something from me - you will lose your privilege to have the room.”

“But what if I decided to restore my powers?”, asked Josie.

“It does not depend only on you now...after all..I also need to see that you are ready.”

She wanted to kill her father. To break his neck. Beat him to death. It was more than angry..more than hate….

“I accept..”, Josie said with tears in her eyes and hell in her soul. 

She understood that now she is not trusted.

“What happened Josie”, her father said as quickly as she entered his office. 

“I just...I just have. I think I have food poisoning. But do not worry I feel better now.”

“Why didn't you call or warn me or Lizzie?”

“Actually, I...Like my condition was bad..And I fell asleep and woke up from your call..And I just..But now I am feeling better”, Josie lied.

“Oh, Josie. Sorry, I just overreacted a bit...Maybe you need medical help or something?”, her father told her with a worried expression on his face. And she really looks like she has one for real because of all the stress and tears she experienced just an hour ago. 

“No I am fine..I...”, it was a big fight in Josie's mind. Telling or not telling? “I am not like that..I am not like that...I am not like that..dependable…Stress..It was just hallucination...I can handle it myself...where he put my powers...he still has my powers...coward..”, wind of thoughts running in her mind. 

She made a small pause.

“I need to..I need to rest”. 

“Yes, and Josie, please call me if you need anything or just let me know how you feel later, okay?”

“Sure”.

And Josie left.

Josie went to the kitchen. She was thirsty and hungry. She drank two cups of water. It felt amazing. Water makes her feel better. She ate some pieces of the cake she found in the fridge. Her body needed some sugar. She was in a hurry to eat it as now she must be careful with food. She had food poisoning after all. She must act according to that lie now. 

She felt a bit of guilt because she lied to her father, because of the anger she felt towards him. 

Josie spent all evening watching movies. It helped to forget everything that happened that day. She was tired. Stress she had eaten all of her energy from her. She felt that she was falling asleep.

She was almost asleep but before she fell into sweet oblivion random thought just appeared in her head. Josie smiled a bit. “After all”, Josie thought, “the Dark One was wrong about her. She told nothing to her father.”

But an unexpected sound mede Josie jump from her bed.

“Oh, finally, well done Josie! 50 points for Gryffindor!”, said the familiar voice next to her bed.

Josie quickly turned on the light in the room. She heard her heartbeat inside her ears. She breathed heavily. She felt how fear ran through her bones.

But it was no one else in her room. She was alone.

All alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to apologize for all mistakes. I am not native English speaker.


	3. Meeting yourself again

It’s been a week since Josie saw her Dark Self. Nothing disturbing, no visions, no strange voices, nothing magical or crazy happened during that week and Josie started to think that maybe it was stress after all. But It was never that simple. Never. 

Josie examined the bathroom where she had met Dark Josie trying to find some traces of magic or something that could explain her vision. She found nothing. Maybe it was a prank, Josie thought. “Cruel prank, really cruel”. But who? And why would somebody ever do that to her? Well yeah...After all..

First week after she had defeated Dark Josie was the worst. Some of the young children were scared of Josie and she heard others calling her a monster behind her back. It is in people's nature to remember something horrible just for a few days before another horrible thing happens. Salvatore Boarding School faced new monsters and new threat. It was something about the end of the world and other scary things and Josie had done as much as she could to prevent herself being part of any solution to this. That made students start to quickly forget about all Dark Josie staff and Josie was really happy about that. 

Maybe...Maybe I am just going crazy. Yeah, just that simple. Josie hoped that this time it would be simple…”Let it be something simple and non-magical, please just for once”, Josie prayed to the universe. 

The Magic History lesson was the most boring one. Josie was spending her time drawing some doodles on the notebook while Dorian told them about the Second World Witch War. Her sister who was sitting next to her almost asleep and it looks like she cannot wait this torture to end as mush as all students on their class. Josie noticed that Hope was drawing something too. She caught herself staring at Hope. Dorian started showing some maps on his presentation for this lesson and Josie was just curious how the world looked. She looked at the bord and then completely froze and she could tell that her heart stopped for a second. Right next to him stand Dak Josie herself and look at Josie with a smile on her face. Josie expected everyone to scream and run but everyone acted like nothing was going on. Everyone just continues doing their things. And then Josie realised “They don't see her.They..do..not..see her..” Josie felt a bit of relief. 

“I am really crazy”, Josie thought. She still didn’t move. She didn’t even blink. Josie didn't notice that. She had a light version of shock.

Then Dark Josie came closer to Josie's desk, crossed her arms and said with an evil smile: “Jossete Salthman, you should listen carefully to what the teacher said so you won't not end up burning alive like your sisters from the past. The reason number two Josie is that you always miss the important things.”

Dark Josie started walking around the classroom and Josie followed her with her sight. Josie started sweating and nervously playing with buttons on her shirt. “What the hell is she doing?”

Josie decided to close her eyes. She was really hoping that when she opened them the Dark one would disappear. Josie opened her eyes and Dark Josie stood in front of her laughing. “Oh, Josie, do you really believe that you will get rid of me by just closing your eyes? Dark Josie laughs. “It is reason number three, Josie. So naive...” And then she disappeared.

After the class Josie went straight up to the kitchen. She needed water. She felt thirsty. LIke Dark Josie's presence sucked out every drop of water from Josie's body. She drank two cups of water. Josie sat on the free table. “Jesus, what is going on with me. What did I do to deserve this.”, Josie thought. Josie was consumed with her thoughts when somebody sat in front of her. It was Dark Josie. 

“What the hell...”, Josie freaked out. 

Josie said it out loud. Students from the next table looked at her with confusion and then started to whisper something to each other. Dark Josie put a cup of coffee in front of her and started to play with a spoon. It seems her Dark Self didn’t care a bit about whether somebody might see her. She didn't hide. 

“How can anyone unnoticed that a spoon is stirring coffee by itself.”, Josie thought. 

“Oh, Josie this cup is not real. ” The Dark One said unexpectedly.

“What the hell do you want from me?”, asked Josie with anger in her voice. 

“Be careful. Only you can see me. People might think that you are going crazy”. Dark Josie told her with a smirk still stirring unreal coffee with an unreal spoon. 

Josie stood up and went to her room. Josie closed the door. She threw her bag angrily on her bed. Then she started nervously walking back and towards and finally after few minutes she said: 

“Show yourself”, Josie said a few times but nothing happened. That makes her even more angry. She was tired of playing that game and she wanted to face her now. Josie was a bit surprised by the sudden bravery she felt despite the fact that she probably would not have a chance against Dark Self even with her magic. But she wanted to end this game. She wanted to know what was going on. 

“Show yourself! I know you can hear me! Now! What the hell do you want from me? What do you want...?” Josie shouted desperately.

Dark Josie appeared just casually sitting on her bed.

“Calm Down, Jo. We all know that brain cells do not restore and right now it is all you have..so if I were you...” Dark Josie started but Josie didn't let her finish.

“Shut up, end this...I do not want to hear this nonsense from you. What do you want?” Josie shouted. 

And it was a silence. A long silence between them. They just stared at each other. Josie with fear and Dark Josie with a mix of judgement, curiosity and amusement. Josie's senses were fully alarmed and she was waiting...She was ready for something horrible...She started to regret her sudden bravery because she was truly helpless now and Dark Josie can do everything she wanted...For example killing her but Dark Josie just staring..No, staring was wrong word but more like observing and it horrified Josie even more. “What is she waiting for”, Josie thought. Finally Dark Josie broken the silence:

“How is it, Josie, that you so willingly give up on your own powers, your gift - your own magic? The Universe gave you these powers not for you to throw it away like some garbage, Saltzman! ”, said Dark Josie angrily.

“Because I needed that room. I needed this space. I needed to be alone.”, Josie cried out. “Do you think that was an easy decision? I feel like I lost some part of me. I feel empty...”.

“You could just take what you wanted. You became a powerful witch Josie. You finally had your own magic and yet you decided to play an innocent daddys girl. ”. Dark Josie replied. 

“Why do I even talk to you? You are the monster! You are horrible. You almost killed my sister and Hope...”, 

Dark Josie stood up and came closer to Josie.

“Sorry, Jo but you used a wrong pronoun. We did it. We did it together. If to be more specific - you did it all...”

“No, no, this is not true”.

“You can lie as much as you want to your friends and family but you cannot lie to yourself. Deep inside you know it all. Dark magic just let you free. You know that. So stop this. What I am is you after all. I know everything you know and I felt everything you felt.”

“What are you? A ghost or a hallucination?”

“Well I am neither of those, Jo. Well to be honest I do not know myself. You probably should answer that question. Why did you save me?”

This was really unexpected to Josie. “I killed her. I killed her..I kill...”, Josie thought. “Maybe she just wanted to confuse me. Trick me...”

They stand there in silence. Josie confusingly stared into the floor and Dark Josie was watching her. Dark Josie went back and sat on the bed. 

“I suppose we are done with this all. So now, let's go back to our business”, said Dark Josie. 

That was a moment of silence and Dark Josie continued. 

“So, you do not have your powers now. How are you going to protect yourself?”.

Josie didn’t know what to respond to. She actually didn’t think about it. 

“I simply do not need them. I am not...”

She didn't have a chance to finish because Dark Josie interrupted her.

“See Josie, you live in a school full of beasts….Your life is Hunger Game. Vampires, werewolves ready to kill or eat you in any minute. Your father's business puts you in danger. Can you even imagine how many monsters want their revenge on your father? It is inevitable they come after you. Sooner or later. And you know this. And you just let him take what belongs to you. So easily give up on your magic....”

“I would never do that if you did not try to kill the people I love. This magic is dangerous. You are the danger.”, Josie responded.

“We are, honey. You are”, Dark Josie started to laugh. 

“We fight you one time. We can do it again.” said Josie. Her voice became more confident. “I am gonna tell my father and my sister and we will find a way to get rid of you.”

“Oh God, stop this childish speech. And this is reason number four why you should hate yourself. And what do you think they gonna do? Oh, I know. Your father will definitely put you into a mental clinic”. Dark One continued laughing. “You cannot explain my existence. You killed me. You don't have your magic. And here I am.”, Dark Josie said with a big smile. It was obvious that the whole situation brought her a lot of pleasure.

“What is your strategy to win the merge? Oh, you do not need to answer that one because you do not have one. You like an idiot just hope that at the last moment somebody will appear with an answer and save you. It is your time to decide.“

Josie knew exactly what her Dark one was talking about. She started to feel the pain that appeared somewhere deep inside her soul. She knew it all and she really did not want to hear that right now. Tears run all over her face. Josie and her sister never have that conversation - what are they going to do if there is no saving from Merge. They pretend that it is or must definitely be and, as Dark Josie said, that it would be the last moment answer. It worked out with monsters a few times and maybe, just maybe, this will also save them. Sometimes in Josies mind appeared that forbidden question - Did her sister already make a decision? Decision to kill her. Decision to win. 

“What do you want me to say?”, Josie said through her tears.

“It is not about what I want you to say. It is about what I want you to do.”

“I want you to change your story.”

“One more time.”


	4. Blurred lines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to apologize for all the mistakes. I am not native speaker.

Darkness…What does it truly mean? What is the definition of that? If you asked Alaric Saltzman he would probably reply that darkness is evil inside you. Darkness is what makes you a monster. Darkness is absence of love, absence of empathy, absence of humanity. …..Monsters that they face are pure evil. They are darkness. They kill people or eat them. Or just eat them...alive. They want to bring evil to the Earth and rule the world. 

Are you a hero or a villain? Josie killed a lot of monsters. And she hated to admit that she felt a bit of a guilt somewhere deep inside her. How are we different from them? Does good killing and evil killing exist? Is killing a monster doesn't make you a killer? Bad guy? Josie hated that thoughts of hers. She cannot feel guilty about killing monsters. This is ridiculous.

They just want to live. They just want to exist. To survive. She was a monster in their story. Josie noticed that but quickly drove that thought away. They were dangerous. She felt the danger from them. There is Good and Evil. She is on the Good side. “I cannot feel sorry for them. They are evil.” Josie was trying to convince herself.

The moment dark magic touched Josie's body she felt overwhelmed with warmth and pleasure. She felt safe and protected. Josie felt magic all over her body in every drop of her blood. She felt powerful. Amazing. Her thoughts were clear from fears and worries. First time in her life she felt complete. Like that magic always belongs to her. She spent her life searching for something and it occurred that dark magic is what it was. Unbelievable. There was no pain. No struggle. Just peace. And then it consumes her. Conquer her. She lost the battle. 

“That was painful. Disgusting feeling.” Lizzie described what happened to her when dark magic consumed Josie.

“Yeah, totally”, Josie lied. How she could tell them that this was the best feeling she had in her life. Nothing could compare to that. Not sex. Not an ecstasy she tried at the party years ago (she truly regretted it and promised herself not to do that ever again). Nothing.

Josie drowned in her own thoughts and memories sitting on her bed and trying to recall what in her life went wrong and when so now she ended up keeping the existence of her evil part a secret. Dark Josie appeared from time to time in Josie's room. Josie still didn't know what she wanted from her. She still didn’t trust her but some part wanted her to explore Dark Josie, wanted her to stay. She was her secret. Something that belongs to only her. Something special. 

“Don't you fear, Josette, that I might do something horrible like killing you or your precious friends?... ”, asked Dark One with an evil smirk.

“You would already do it if you could. But it seems that you can't. So why are you here?”

“I think you should start running, Josie. Running in the morning.”

“What?”, Josie was confused. She expected everything. But clearly not this. “Really? So all of it just for me to start ..running?” Josie laughed. But it seemed that Dark Josie was completely serious. 

“Running is a good way to keep a good form of yours and also it could discipline you.” Dark Josie said calmly.”Makes you stronger. It's A good start...”

“Good start of what?”

“You are weak. You are nothing without your magic. Unfortunately...If you cannot kill the monster at least you will run away from it. It is a good start, don't you think?”

So why not? It is a good thing, right? Josie just could not find reasons to say no. For health and everything. Maybe sport helps her back on her track. 

Josie didn’t respond. So Dark Josie continued.

“You better start as soon as possible. You have a lot of free time right now. Stop wasting it.”

“But what is it all about? What is the point?”, Josie asked but her Dark Part just disappeared. 

Dark Josie was really persistent. She wakes Josie up right at six oclock next day. The first time it was a disaster. Josie walked more than ran. She cursed everything and everyone. 

Josie finished her run near her fathers and Hope's training spot. Alaric stopped their training for the moment to wave to Josie. 

“This is a good sign. Don’t you think?” Alaric asked Hope. 

“Yeah”, Hope replied. Hope missed Josie. They didn't not speak much after the accident with dark magic and all that happened after. Whose fault it was? Hope didn’t really know. But she wanted everything back. She wanted her friend back. Hope thought about asking Josie to go for a walk to the town or maybe do something together. She wondered what was going on in Josies life. Was she okay after all that happened? Hope life looked like the Bermuda Triangle: Landon - Monsters - Training with Alaric which suffocates her. Hope wandered if Josie missed her to...Hope wanted to know what was going on with Josie behind closed doors of her room. Too many questions. But is it bad to wanna know something...want to know something so bad? Maybe Josie didn’t care about her because in other cases she would talk to her like before? But before what?...

Josie takes a three day pause because her legs hurt impossibly. That was where Josie started to lose all her motivation.

“But we just started, sweetheart.” Dark Josie said watching Josie applied pain relief cream on her legs. 

“I still do not trust you? You know...”, Josie said watching her Dark Part sitting near her. 

“Oh, And you shouldn't. You shouldn’t trust anybody.” Dark Josie made a pause and then her face expression changed a bit. She became a bit more serious.

“Being a good girl doesn’t guarantee your happiness, Josie.” Dark Josie made a pause enjoying how confused Josie's face became.

“Being good doesn’t mean anything. Anything at all. Better be evil but happy, don’t you think? What do other opinions mean after all? Is it really worth it to sacrifice yourself for others and to lose yourself in the process? Play good and be miserable or do whatever you want and be happy. You decide. Do not play Jesus, Josie. Always remember how he endup.” 

It felt like a cold shower for Josie. She wasn't sure how to respond. 

“But I hurt people. You hurt..We..We did scary things. I don't wanna be that thing. I don't wanna be you. I...“. Josie wasn't sure of what she was saying.

“There is no black and white magic. No good or bad. Magic is just an energy and it is not its fault that it was owned in majority by assholes throughout history. Just an energy that wants to serve, wants to be subordinated. It must respect and fear its owner...“ 

“But...”, Josie tried to object but Dark Josie didn’t allow her. 

“Energy, power, knowledge. Just it. You decide how to use it. You were not ready to have it. So that is why it ended that way...Awfully, Tragically.“

“Then weak and envious people called it Dark Magic.” Dark Josie said with disgust. “For a lot of people your magic is also evil and they would burn you alive even in these days. Your being Good or Bad depends on who is telling the story. So stop give a fuck and let it go already.” 

“Cut this “god vs evil” bullshit and move on from it already.” Dark Josie said angrily. It seems the more she talked the more angry she became. 

“MOVE ON!”, Dark Josie exclaimed. 

“Start living as you want. Set yourself free. Claim yourself strong...and then you will see who truly loves you. Live polemics about what is right and wrong for weak people. Use everything you can.”

Josie sight deeplee. She never thought that her Dark Side is so...philosophical. 

“Yeah, I don't understand the power of the Dark Side...I already got it.”, Josie responded sarcastically.

“You know, you can also kill or do people harm with what you all called White Magic. Don’t you, Josie?” Evil smile appeared on Dark Josie's mouth.

“You need to cure yourself”

“From what?” Josie asked, confused.

“From yourself and stupid mindset they grow in you. That is the fifth reason why you should hate yourself. ”

“Maybe just enough philosophy for today?” Josie asked irritatingly. 

“Don't forget to set your alarm to 6 am.” After that Dark Josie disappeared leaving Josie with food for thought.

When Josie was eight years old she, like all children, dreamed about superpowers like superman or spiderman or became a pokemon trainer. She has her own "powers" but it was boring. Nothing to compare to what superheroes had. Will she be able to fly? Or have a cute monster just for herself? She doesn't know but it scares her. Now things were serious. Deadly serious.

This is so scary to admit sometimes that you want to be powerful. And it was hard for Josie. But deep down she wants to. Josie was afraid of the dark part of her soul. She was afraid to let it go. To meet it. And now life gives her a chance. All the people around her always told her that they love her for her selflessness and kindness and willingness to self-sacrifice. But she wasn't sure what they love more - her or sacrifice itself. 

Josie sneaked into the library. She needed evidence. She needed proof of what she heard. She had no idea where to start, which book section to check first? Should it be history or myth or...Josie didn’t know. And why did she run to the library after all? She had no idea. 

Hermione’s quote appeared in her mind: “When in doubt, go to the library.” Josie laughed at herself and shook her head. It is not like her father would allow such controversial and dangerous readings at this school after all. 

Josie was sitting near the window watching the beautiful night sky. Josie wandered how many people before her had the same dilemma. There were no clouds that night. She wanted to escape the school. Wanted to clear her thoughts. Where would she go? She had no idea. The world seems so easy and so complicated at the same time. Lots of questions started to appear in Josies mind.

So, Is there “good” murder and “evil” murder? 

What if what we call right is actually wrong?

What if right and wrong doesn't actually exist?

What if good girls doesn't really end up happy after all?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.


	5. Sleeping Beauty

Few weeks passed since Josie decided to follow her Dark Part advice and started running. Not that she had much of a choice…Of course she could stop it and just ignore Dark Josies orders but her Dark Part was pretty convincing...

Dark Josie threatened her: “..Trust me I will make your life a living hell. If you thought that being buried alive was bad and scary then trust me - you gonna miss it like it was the most beautiful thing that happened to you. I always can make things worse.”

Could she actually do something or this was just to make sure her compliance, Josie didn't know. But some part of her didn’t want to play with the fire. After all, running was not a bad thing and in some time Josie started to enjoy her running routine. 

“Time to run through the forest. It will be more difficult. You should level up, Jo” said Dark Josie.  
Josie rolled her eyes.

“Okay, tomorrow we will run through the forest. ” Josie replied.  


*****************

  
It was 7 oclock in the morning. Hope had her morning breakfast with Landon. They were sitting on a couch talking about something when Lizzie showed up.

“Hey, lovebirds” she said to Landon and Hope.

“I need to speak to you, Hope. It is important.”, Lizzie said.

“In private, Mikaelson. Sorry Landon...Girls issues..”, Lizzie said playfully.

Lizzie dragged Hope to an empty table.

“What happened? Did something bad happen to Josie?”, Hope gave Lizzie a concerned look.

“We should follow her. I know my sister, Hope, she was never into sport”

“God, Lizzie! We have already talked about that. It is not a bad thing...”

“Yeah, but she doing it almost every day now like she preparing for some fucking Olimpic games. This is weird. We must go. What if she is seeing someone?..Or doing some forbidden things...”

“In six in the morning?, Hope said sarcastically. “Yeah, Sherlock..You just...”

“Mikaelson, listen..She is doing some really weird stuff. I swear that I saw her talking to herself...I am not sure but...”

“Or she's just running, Lizzie...”, Hope replied boringly. 

“We just check and that's it. If she just runs then so be it. Objections? Good. So we will do it tomorrow. ”

“Okay, so if you don't mind I would like to spend more time with my boyfriend before...”, Hope didn't have an opportunity to finish as she heard Alaric called their names.

“Lizzie! Hope! I will wait for you in my office after you finish your breakfast, I have new info on our monster.”

“Yeah, that..before this will happen” Hope 

Hope had no idea why she even agreed to that. Maybe just so Lizzie left her alone. Hope wasn't in the mood recently. She was tired from monsters and saving the world. She even started to consider her aunt's suggestion to leave this place. Why did she stay? She didn’t know. But in moments like this she regretted her decision.  


*****************

  


In the meantime Josie was lying on the grass enjoying the morning sun. During her running routine she had found a road she had never seen before. And that road leads to a beautiful field. 

Dark Josie was flying around Josie like a ghost. Actually Dark Josie sometimes acts like a total ghost would. She was able to go through walls and people. But nobody saw her or felt her. Sometimes the whole situation was weird. Josie asked Dark Josie not to appear in her lessons or when she speaks to other people. Well, Dark Josie enjoyed breaking this promise. Especially when some unpleasant conversation is going on.

“What a great place to see stars”, Josie thought. She never visited the field at night but actually considered the option. She was a bit scared to go alone. Especially without her powers. “Great place for a date. Great place for a kiss under the stars.”, Josie thought.

Dark Josie sat near her.

“Well Saltzman, your dating life is shit. Everyone you can bring her is me. Your only friend...And didn’t you give a celibacy promise or something?...”, Dark Josie smirked and laugh. 

“This is the reason number six”, Dark Josie pointed out.”You do not know how to have fun”.

“Shut up”, Josie said. “Everything is not like that. Can you just give me some time without you to enjoy the beauty of this place?” 

“Relationships with me bring only pain to people involved.” Josie whispered. “Penelope. Landon. Hope. Jade.” Josie made a pause. “And Penelope.. she..” 

“Did the right thing that she left?” Dark Josie finished. “You cannot save the person that does not want to be saved. You cannot blame a poor Penelope for not wanting to date an almost dead girl.” Dark Josie said.

“I am not blaming her...”, Josie responded quietly.

“But you were mad at her.”

“Yes, I was. But I am no more...I think I...I think I finally understand...”.

What Josie can offer to them...What Josie can offer to Hope? New struggles and fears and pain. Is that how it's supposed to be? Instead romantic trips - trips to find a solution to safe her? Instead planning the future - fighting for it. Instead of peaceful time together - searching for the solution...Sleepless nights… So in some time they will leave like Penelope..Josie knew that Hope would not leave her..She won't. That is why she must protect her from this...Hope deserved better..Better than Landon and better than her...She deserves someone who stays…  
She must offer something better and not this horror. 

The closer to the merge day the harder it will be to leave and even harder to stay. This situation influences everyone. 

They will leave. They have.. time...Future. In this age love doesn’t always mean forever. People change. They all will eventually leave this school and all that left will be a memory and photo in the school album. And then new friends, new cities, new emotions, new love eventually...This is how it usually happens...But Josie's life is far different from this..She might not have...future. Did they all think about that when they decided to date her? Probably not. But Josie didn’t think about that either..She cannot blame anyone after all but herself. 

“Maybe if you weren't so scared and told Sleeping Beauty the truth you won't be in this situation.”

“You know why I didn’t tell her, don’t you?”, Josie replied quietly. 

“Do you understand that now if she finds out, it will hurt her even more? You created that problem yourself. ”

“She won’t. I will make sure of it. ”

*****************

Josie will never forget that day. The day when she killed Dark Josie and woke up. She wanted to see Hope immediately but her father asked her to wait. He told her that Hope is tired and she is sleeping, that they could talk later. But eventually they explained that Hope was still in Josies mind. That Hope didn’t wake up.

“Why didn’t you just fucking tell me? Why?”, Josie felt betrayed. “Why?”

“Josie please... We did it to protect you.”, Alaric said. “We didn't’ want to bring you new pain or worries.”

Josie was shocked. This was all her fault. 

“Can I see her now?”, Josie asked. First tears started to run on her face.

Alaric walked Josie to Hope's room. Landon was already there sitting next to Hope and holding her hand. 

Hope she was peacefully lying on her bed. So peacefully...Beautiful. “Like dead…”, the thought appeared in Josies mind. Josie tried to run that thought away. Later that same thought appeared a few times in her mind. Like her own mind tried to kill her. Tried to tortrure her. 

“I need some water...”, Landon said. 

“We will stay with her”, Alaric replied. “Don’t worry”.

Josie sat next to Hope. 

“Hello, Sleeping Beauty”, Josie said through her tears. “I am sorry, I am so sorry...”

“I called Freya”, Alaric said calmly, almost whispering like he was afraid to wake up Hope. 

Alaric hesitates and continues: “We run out of ideas. We do not know what to do now”. 

Alaric, Josie and Lizzie were sitting in a big hall together quietly waiting for Freya.

Josie wanted to be with Hope. She wanted to hold her hand but Landon was already there for Hope. He already held her hand. He already was there for Hope. And she...She cannot stand that way Landon looked at her. He said nothing. But somehow his whole body screams that this whole shit is her fault. And he was right. It actually was. Selfish...So selfish.. She was warned not to play with dark magic…

The door suddenly opened. Freya basically ran into the school.

“Where is she?” Freya asked angrily. Alaric tried to reply but Freya interrupted him. 

“All please leave, I need to talk to the Headmaster in private.”, Freya said unexpectedly.

Lizzie and Josie left in silence. During their walk to their room they heard the excerpts from the conversation.

“What the fuck, Alaric? What the fuck? ”, Freya screamed angrily.

“Freya, I...”

“What the hell are you doing here with all these children? When we send Hope here we did it for her safety, for her to be a part of her own world...Not to be some kind of your pet..experiment...or what other shit is going on here...”

“Freya please...”

“Shut up and listen! You do not have any right to speak right now...Adults are the one who should fight monsters and deal with any sort of black magic… Do these children's parents know that their children almost burn alive or that they are part of some killing monster squad?...Oh, I do not think so... ”

And then silence. Freya continued: 

“We need to save Hope right now...From those curses and from you and your school...”

Josie lied in her bed trying no to cry. The whole shit was her fault. Whole...

“Do you think Freya was serious about taking Hope home?... ”, Lizzie asked.

“I do not know Lizzie. I do not know...”

They retold everything again to Freya. Josie explained in detail what happened in her mind with Hope. Freya tried a few spells but nothing worked. They spend three days with spells and potions. Even hard ones. But they didn’t work. 

Josie tried to locate Hope in her mind and talk to her but nothing happened. Josie didn’t even have dreams. She felt the same as before. Nothing indicated that somebody else's mind is inside her own. Nothing.

“What happens if we will not be able to wake her up?”, Landon asked.

“We will,'' Freya replied. There are no locks in the world without a key. We just need the right one.”

Josie was not sure if Freya herself believed in what she was saying. It was noticeable that Freya became more and more worried each day. 

This all is so much easier in fairy tales..One kiss and..”, Lizzie started but Alaric gave her a pointed look with “Lizzie please, It is not a time for this...”

Freya stopped reading some old book for a moment and looked at Lizzie.

“I am sorry okay..I just wanted..”, Lizzie tried to explain herself.

“Maybe she has a point”, Freya interrupted Lizzie. This is a fairy tale world and probably true love kisses are an option. ”

“So I suppose Landon is our knight in shiny armour?”

Everyone looked at Landon. He hesitates. 

“Probably...I think so”

“You are her boyfriend, Landon”, Lizzie rolled her eyes. “Of course it is you”. 

“We can try it. We have nothing to lose. ” Freya said.

They went to Hope's room. Landon visibly tensed. Even Josie felt the pressure poor were Landon under. Everyone expected that his kiss would create a miracle. 

Landon just looked at Hope for a minute. Everyone watched him in silence. 

“What are you waiting for? Go and kiss her”, Lizzie exclaimed.

And Landon kissed Hope...and nothing happened. And they were waiting..one minute...five minutes but Hope didn’t wake up. 

Landon was devastated and sad. Alaric tried to calm him down. He put his hand on Landon shoulder and said:

“Maybe this is not the solution, Landon. This is gonna be okay. We will find a way as always”.

Landon gave him a hopeful look and left the room.

“Yeah, this is probably work only in fairy tales. ”LIzzie said disappointedly.

“Lizzie, please, this is not a good time...”, Alaric said.

Freya sight. “I will search for some other solution. ”, she replied and left to make some calls.

Only Josie stayed with Hope. She watched Hope. She feels tears in her eyes. This was all her fault. Everything. If they won't find solutions to this she will never forgive herself. 

Tears running all over her face. Josie grit her teeth her teeth to hold them. To spot herself from crying and screaming. “All her fault...All…” 

Josie sat near Hope and started genuinely to caress her hand. 

“Please, Hope, please just wake up...I beg you..”, Josie whispered.

“I love you..I love you..Please..”

But Hope just lied there...Josie couldn’t see her anymore. Josie was in tears. 

Then Josie sight fell on Hope's lips and some unknown power drove her closer to Hope. Closer to Hope’s face. Closer to Hope's lips.

“I am sorry, Hope. I am so sorry..”

Josie kissed Hope. Slowly, carefully... Josie’s lips almost touch Hope's lips.

And suddenly Hope woke up...She started to breathe hard. Hope grabs Josie's hand. It seemed she was in panic and didn’t understand where she was. 

“Hope, thanks God..thanks God”, Josie almost screamed. “You are safe. You are home.”

“Jo, we did it..You did it?”

“Yeah, Hope we did”, Josie said through tears.

Everyone run back inside hearing Josie's voice.

“Freya? You are here. ”, Hope exclaimed. 

“So the kiss worked...Well not so impressed like in fairy tales but...Well done Landon”, Lizzie said with a smirk.

Freya even looked a bit disappointed.

“Well sometimes you just need to check maybe the door is already opened before searching for keys...”, Freya pointed out.

And everybody started to laugh. But not Josie. No her. Josie stood near the door. She felt relieved. She felt like she could breathe again. 

“What is going on guys?” Hope asked. She was confused. Hope didn’t realise that it was how long she spent inside Josie’s mind. All she felt was sore muscles and salty flavor on her lips...

Landon started to explain and this was when Josie left. “Everything is fine. She is here. She is here.”, Josie thought. She definitely needs to drink. Maybe even something stronger. 

Her kiss woke up Hope. She was almost sure of it. Almost. 

But...not all the truth must be said. Hope was happy in Landon's arms..and this is the most important thing. It doesn’t really matter whose kiss it was.No, it is not.She cannot give Hope new pain and new drama. 

One thing Josie learned from this that sometimes non consensual kisses are real life savers. 

Non consensual kiss saved that day.  


*****************

  
Josie opened her eyes. It was time to go back to school. She would definitely go back here in some time in the evening. She must.

Josie ran back to school with “It’s my life” on her iPod...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to apologize for late update. I will update every week or a few days from now on.  
> I would like to apologize for all the mistakes. I am not native speaker.
> 
> Thanks for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.


End file.
